Today in the Life of Es...[Bumped Out Edition]

I'm so bumped out yall (frowning). Like this week has literally been an emotional rollercoaster. One minute, I'm enjoying life, the other minute, I want to die. After all these highs and lows and rights and wrongs-ya girl is just tired. Just when i finally thought that things where working out for the better-they get worse. I don't know what to do anymore....i'm so lost and i don't think i'll be found anytime soon. I'm jobless, which means i'm broke. My grades pretty much suck-but that doesn't exactly mean i'm failing(keep HOPE alive!). I have like no friends, maybe cause I dont know how to have friends......My promotion/pr/marketing (whatever floats ya boat) career is at a dead end.I can't help but to think, why am i living life again? Because to me, I feel pretty damn useless, thus others may feel that i am useless. But am I? I can do a lot of things, i just need people to give me the RIGHT tools and resources to do them. And I'm not blaming anyone for my.....lameness (wish i could find a better word), but I can't really take full responibility either.

I tried. I tried so damn hard to do many things. To do them right. To be original and creative. I have so much passion just stored up in me it drives me crazy. I don't care what you have or what you have done b/c at the end of the day, if you dont have passion for what you are doing, all that other shit amounts to nothing. NOTHING I said! There are so many people in this world that are half assing(is that a word?) jobs, being lazy with things and get rewarded for it when right next to them there are people who wouldn't want to be anywhere else but where they are now and put their all into everything that they do and never get a simple "Thank You". Yea, i know its a fucked up world, but does it really have to be that way? Like really? Idk, i'm just spitting my guts out now. Like I say all the time, "Same shit, EVERY day!". I'm so tired of all of this. I don't even want material things anymore. I just want to be happy. I just want to be appreciated for what i can offer and what i have done. I want to be free. I just want to smile, not because i'm trying to hide my sadness and anger but because i am truly happy. Is that too much for a girl to ask for?

'Always More, Never Less'-Es


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